Not made of Steel
by Qxxl
Summary: Steeles soul has been broken by his new cruel owner and his spirit weakened by an evil dog named Mace who tortured him for months. Can this once so proud, unfeeling husky survive after such horrors? not a BaltoxSteele but it -is- a slash
1. Prologue: Fade to Black

_Hello there. I have fallen in love with a certain black and white slay dog and one day woke up with this idea in my head: Why not write a fic where Steele´s ego is knocked down to nothing? _

_And that was how the torture began And now it is here.. Second chapter is on its way. Remember to review, otherwise ill be all sad cause no one reads my story (sniffle)  
No flames!! They make the mutant bunny cry ...  
__  
Warning: This story contains mentions of rape and violence (just the way we like it!)_

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the movie charachters only the ones i made up for this story. So dont sue me alright?_

_Thats it... well... why the heck are you still here! Read the story!!_

Not Made of Steel- prologue

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**Fade to black  
**

The winds are howling louder and louder, putting even the voices of the untamed wolfs to shame with.

The pure white snow of winter falls like tiny silver arrows, piercing me and sending pain through my body each time a new one hits, even through my mattered fur i feel their cold and it stings worse than needles and claws put together when yet another one lands on my black and white coat. I hear nothing but my broken heart beating fast and with no rhythm, the muscle doing its best to fill my lungs with oxygen, quivering each time the frozen air reaches my veins. I grit my teeth against the merciless cold, knowing that even though the blood spilling from my battered body's wounds is a sign that each step i take bring me closer to death, the faint warmth of my own blood is the only thing that keeps me going, and the only thing besides the pain that keeps me aware of my life, it still there, as long as i keep bleeding more with every heartbeat i at least know that i am still alive, still surviving. The smell is metallic and so is the taste. I know that, because blood fills my mouth every time i take another step.

I have been in a lot of storms in my life, but this one storm makes all the others look small and pathetic in comparison. Perhaps because it is wilder, its winds are harsher, the snow colder, but then again, perhaps it is just because this is the first time i have ever been in such weather alone, without my slay-pack or a human owner near me, that should have scarred me but after a certain amount of time being scared every second, thinking that next second is going to be you last, you stop being afraid and accepts the hell faith gives you. I lift my head, ignoring the pain and the cold angels of death dancing around me in mock beauty. I try scenting something, anything at all, but no such luck. Perhaps that is what i have earned myself, perhaps that is what i rightfully deserve. I lost Jenna, the girl who was supposed to be mine, to a halfbreed, to Balto. I lost my honour, my home, my life and was sold to a new owner. I never thought i would consider myself weak..

But that is what i have become is it not?. The once proud black and white Malamute full breed Steele, descendant of the best slay and fighting dogs in Nebraska, is now a broken stray dog crawling through the heavy snow in a storm determined to take all animal lives. I gasp for air but it is so hard to breath, it was hard to breath even before i became this exhausted, I feel so dizzy. My new owners made me wear a black collar that allowed very little room for breathing, it tore through my fur and into my skin where it sunk into my flesh as months passed by, and i still have it on now. The collar is a part of me. If i try to tug it off, my neck weeps tears of blood and the pain is even worse than the slow strangulation, i hated sleeping with it on, even in my sleep i could feel it like sharp hands around my neck, tightening every time my chest moved and loosening every time i let the air leave my lungs.

Ha! Look at me, look at what months of beating and working like a god damn slave have done to me. I cant believe that a full breed dog like me can give up like this, i have always been a fighter, i had to, if you dont fight you die or lose and i hated the feeling of defeat. I have always wanted to win everything and everyone over, wanted everyone to look at me because i hated being overlooked.. ..alone.. I still do, but perhaps this is for the best?

With a sigh of defeat i lie down behind a rock, it offers very little shelter, but that is irrelevant.

I close my eyes and try to think of a time long forgotten, the time when i won races and was a living legend.. I hate that half wolf bastard! He took everything away from me... no thats not true, i deserved it, and the halfbreed saved the children, guess thats a good thing...

That's one of the things you learn when both your body and soul is beaten by the way. You learn that you deserve it. I dont think I'm even the same dog anymore. My name Steele has nothing to do with the real steel. I'm not like steel now and I'm sure i have never been, even though i believed once that i was strong and untouchable, glittering in the sun like real steel, catching every one's eyes with strength and will.

Now, i am nothing but a weak, broken mutt. I take a deep breath and curl up further, a habit i have developed during my ordeal, curling up like a sleeping cat when i rest, its unnatural for a dog but it feels safer somehow, i dont know why.

A whine makes it through my sore throat when the aching in my leg suddenly flares and i think of the dog who inflicted these wounds.

His name is Mace. He was one of three dogs who were already living in the new "home" i was given to. It was a house far from Nome aswell as far from all other villages and cities. I still remember the first meeting with Mace and the others.. A light shimmers somewhere in the corner of my eyes and i remember, gods, i remember it so clearly:

" Well, well! Lookie here! A little foxy loxy has come to live with us" He was a large dog, a German with pitch black eyes. I growled at him and held both tail and head high, thought i was something, tried to look intimidating.  
The other two dogs, both husky and both gray, laughed. Mace stepped closer to me with a smile  
" Whats your name foxy?" I huffed and answered "Steele"  
He nodded and smiled in a friendly way, but his eyes sparkled with something i immediately feared, i did not let it show though, i never do  
" Aren't you gonna ask me what MY name is my little domino fox beauty?"

I rolled my shoulders and eyes as if the entire conversation was boring me to death, i was often called a beauty or handsome by dogs and humans alike so the fact that HE said it meant nothing to me, if only i had known the venom with which he poisoned that word " Like i care what your name is mutt, and i am NOT your ANYTHING!" The grey dogs laughed again and i growled at them, tail bristling in fury "What are YOU two idiots laughing at!?"  
The German stepped right in front of me, his nose dangerously close to mine " They are laughing at you! Because you are pathetic and ridiculous!"  
I snarled at him, death was written in my eyes and I opened my jaws to deliver at spiteful bite to his neck, but he was already over me and smashed his body into mine with such a force that is send me backwards into a wall. Before i could get up he had placed a paw on my back and the two other dogs were right on top of me, holding me down. Mace leaned over untill his snout was right next to my ear and whispered " Don't worry my beautiful pup, we will make sure that that ego of yours will be killed right away, now.. scream for me little puppy"

It hurt so very much, and i had no idea how to handle it afterwards since i had never considered being.. You know..

**Raped**

I fought for all i was worth, but Mace was bigger and stronger and had two other dogs holding me down. I pretended nothing had happened after it was over and acted as confident as ever, Mace hated it and demanded that i submitted to him, that was his exact words. He wanted me to surrender to him and be his. I did not understand Mace at all, only humans had dogs as pets and still this German wanted me to be his and his alone. I tried to be strong, convinced myself i could endure anything life gave me, but when the raping continued the next night, and the next, and the next, and the night after that, when Mace fought me everyday, taunted me constantly and my owner beat and starved me for mistakes that was not even mine... I just broke. I started crying like a wounded fox cub when he was done using me one night and we both knew in that instant that i had finally started cracking in the edges.

That night he bowed down and licked the tears off of my fur, telling me that if i would just submit to him i wouldn't have to experience pain and suffering. I hate myself for leaning into the touch and crying into his fur while he kept whispering soothing words to me. That's when i started sleeping curled up like a cat, i think. I tried running away once but they caught me, and after my human beat me and dragged me into the abandoned stable, the other dogs finished the job with teeth and jaws, there was no comfort from Mace then, he said i deserved it for disobeying him, for disobeying my master.. the master being him and not the cruel human i had to call owner.

This time i had managed to escape. They were not there when i ran away and they would never dare move out into this storm, they know that it would be suicide just like I do. I ran and walked for hours with no breaks and no time to rest untill i got here.

Now I'm dying.

It is the best thing that could happen to me actually. If i die then there is no more pain, no more humiliation, no more Mace and no more hurting because of these fading memories of past glory and strength that will never return. I whine when the tears that have managed to fall from my tightly shut eyes freezes into pearls of silver and stick to my fur coat like jewelery under my eyes

" So this is the end.." I whisper in a voice that not even i myself can hear. I feel warmth spread through my body and all the pain seems to be gone now.  
That's the beauty about dying in the snow. The cold takes all the pain away before it kills you, it is said that winter in Nebraska is a beautiful white snow fox, alluring with her beauty, deadly and merciless, but granting peace to the ones who surrender to her.

I have no more strength left. Perhaps Steele would have been able to continue this travel, to fight the elements back and shout at the winds, but he drifted away like melting snowflakes in a blazing fire the very first time i let tears fall from my hail coloured eyes.

Steele, I dont even deserve that name anymore, Steele is not the one dying in the snow right now, only me. I dont even know WHO i am.. a dog who others call something as dirty and cheating as a fox..I'm so pathetic, I'm so weak, i hate myself for what i have become and my heart aches so much under the weight of all this horror, loss and sorrow. I just want this to end..please, please let it end. I dont want this anymore, oh god, i dont want this..

Darkness fills my soul and i welcome it. When i let go of consciousness I'm taking in the fact that this time I wont wake up again...

The blood is red,. It surrounds my broken, lifeless body like a flower spreading its petals in the colourless snow. A dark and white pearl is lying in the middle, a soul that was once so alive now so dull and still.  
A black tulip in a field of white roses perhaps?

The perfect picture of death and sorrow, while the winds continue to howl in agony.

Something breaks through the thick curtain of shadows that engulfs me. I hear a different sort of voice that is not from wolf nor dog lungs, but it does not matter, nothing does at this point, not anymore.  
I let myself fade away.. for the second time in my life.

"Oh no, Oh no! Is he dead!? Luk move away"

" Mmmemmme? Oo"

" How should i know if hes breathing or not.. "

"mmmemem? : / "

"No,I dunno who he is.. WOW, hes not dead.. What do we do, what do we do!! What would uncle Boris do!"

" mememe (´´) - ?"

" Luk! Your a genius! Pick him up, pick him up... TO THE BEAR CAVE!"

"Mhee :D "

Who were they? Demons?

It all fades to black..

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_Soo.. Did you like it?_


	2. Chapter 1: Home

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_First chapter and Ive got reviews! I'm like, this close to crying (sniffle)  
Steele: Aw come on. Just write the damn thing, I wanna see what happens!  
Qxxl: ...ehm...  
Steele: What?  
Qxxl: Well, i was kinda expecting you to be mad at me for writing this..  
Steele: Hey, at least its SOMETHING.. I haven't been in the last 2 movies, I need attention!  
Balto: But.. Im supossed to be the main character in Balto fan fictions.. why is Steele..  
Steele/Qxxl/random person: SHUT UP!!  
Balto: You shut up!  
Steele; Oh bite me..  
Balto: Kay!  
Steele: OUCH!  
Qxxl: -giggle-_

The pairing is still a secret, kinda, but it is NOT a BaltoxSteele cause I don't like balto X3  
Sorry about the long wait but i was in Scotland

This story is dedicated to -

Angel of deceit: I like you Your the reason this chapter has been written!

Lov-all: Thank you! Thank you so much!

Kimiyosuke  
(Who is a psycho by the way, stay away from me! I have a dog! She´ll eat you!)  
Don't worry Kimiyo, you will get your bondage Steele and Mace action but that will be EVENTUALLY.  
I like slashyness because for some reason I cant write straight pairings to safe my life -.-, and hell yes! There WILL be lemons

_Warning: This story contains detailed XXX, violence and yaoi/slash.  
If you have a certain someone you want Steele to be paired with then please do tell me who it is, we already have one vote for a MacexSteele pairing._

Disclaimer: If I owned the Balto movies Steele would have been in all of them!!

Bare with me, i dont have a Beta and im Danish so there may be some errors and gramma mistakes here and there i have a headache today..

Chapter 1 in the story ´Not made of Steel´

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**Home**

My body hurts...

That is the first thing that enters my mind when the heavy curtain of darkness is lifted from me and my mind surfaces to the real world, slowly at first but then with such a speed that i could almost hear the sharp ´snap´ my consciousness made when it was brought to life once more. My body hurts and aches everywhere, which should have been impossible, you do not feel pain when you die do you? I'm rather sure your not supposed to feel anything, your supposed to see a light and not suffer anymore, i did see the light so why do i still hurt from the inside out?  
A shudder runs through my body very suddenly and i will myself to open up my eyes, fear coursing through me with no warning, muscles tensing, adding more pain. I have to open my eyes, i have to know where i am and if he is here. I can almost feel his presence even though i can not hear him. What if it was all a dream and i wake up to find that i am in the stables again? That Mace and the others are waiting for me to wake up so that they can rip me apart piece by piece?  
I dread what i will see, but fear the darkness even more than the knowing. My eyes open and for a moment i hold my breath.

It is dark but not pitch black, appears to be a cave of some sort, and i am completely alone here. I sigh in sudden found pleasure when i feel the ground beneath me, it is warm, as is the air, that is a feeling I am no longer used to, I have not felt real warmth since...

I grit my teeth against the pain and the throbbing in my left hind leg while using will power alone to stand up, concentrating on the stapping agony instead of him.

Anything but him.

I turn my head a few times to take in the surroundings, trying to sense any sign of life, but there is nothing. Only the repeating sound of water droplets hitting rough stone surface  
_drip, drip, drip,drip.  
_I lift my head higher and catch the various scents inside of the cave, a few uninteresting ones but one that makes me tremble and step backwards as if to avoid it.

**Bear**

The smell is frosty like snow but also mouldy like old bread. And it is strong. A bear lives here, that much is obvious. I have no idea how i got inhere, perhaps the bear found me and brought me with it him home to eat later, the thought makes my bloody fur bristle in nervousness.

I try to take in more smells and after several agonizingly long seconds I find the scent i am looking for, quickly, even though my senses have been dulled by months of either working or living in a cold stable without proper care, i start moving towards the source of the smell, fresh air. It takes almost four steps before I have to hold back a whine. Biting my lower lip to stop the sound before it slips from my lips I limp towards the cave opening, unsuccessfully trying to calm myself when i tell my own mind that there are no waiting hungry eyes in the shadows behind me. Two left turns later i can see snow and the scent of spring hits me like a wild train. That hurts, it is almost a psychical pain to know that it is spring.  
Has it been that long? The time i spent with Mace and his owner seems like eternity but knowing the number of months makes it seem even worse... NO! I refuse to go there, i am free, i just need to get out of this cave and then i have nothing to fear. I walk a little faster, all the while tilting my ears back and forth repeatedly, listening to every single sound around the cave and inside of it, bears are brutal predators and i am in no condition to run from one if the beast decides to attack me, i would also be to weak to bite back,if a bear really did show what other choice did i have than to lay back and die quietly like a good puppy... DOG! Dog! Dammit, Mace got my brain twisted real good.

It is hard but i eventually manage to reach the cave entrance.  
" It looks like hes dying mommy"  
I lift my head with a start, winching as i do so because it causes the collar to gnaw deeper into my flesh, several very unchristian curses appear in my head when i feel new blood slowly run from the many wounds around my neck. I smell infected, my wounds under the dirty half brown half red leather strip are burning, it is almost surprising that i have yet to catch a fever since the flesh there is rotting.

I stare up at the cave ceiling, ears pointing forwards to catch another sound but i hear nothing.  
The silence is deafening, choking even..  
I couldn't have heard wrong could i, that would be.. crap have i really gone insane?  
" Quiet Jimmy, your scaring the poor soul"  
Hell no!  
I yelp and back away, eyes searching for the creatures talking. My heart is beating against my ribs so hard I'm afraid they might bend out of shape under the pressure. I crouch down, staying close to the floor, it hurts like hell but its safer, i have no idea how but i can hardly ask anyone why that is.

" Who´s there?"  
I did my best to sound threatening but the words came out weak, almost like a frightened yelp.  
So much for seeming intimidating.  
" Up here sweetheart"  
My own eyes finally settle on something small and furry hanging from the ceiling, i can make out its tiny body... no two, a mother and a cub.

Bats.

" Are you okay honey, you dont look to good"  
The voice is warm and silky, a mothers voice, but a voice can be deceiving, just like eyes. I KNOW that eyes can be deceiving and lying, like Mace´s eyes, amber orbs, both warm and loving, beautiful until you see what they really are, liars, how many times have Mace not hurt me, driven me to the brink of insanity and then brought me back, whispering sweet words into my ears, looking at me with those eyes, showing concern and even sadness  
_  
" Why do you keep misbehaving pup? Why do you keep forcing me to hurt you"_How many times had he made ME feel guilty, made me want to apologise to him after he made me bleed and hurt so much inside that i could not even remember who i were.  
The bat mother repeats her question very softly, as if she i speaking to a scared animal.  
I stare at her, stunned for several moments before i trust myself to speak  
" I-I'm fine ma'am"  
Ma'am? MA´AM? Jesus, just shoot me!  
The female bat looks at me with worried red eyes, lips forming a sad half smile  
"You sure sugar, i could get you some help, i know a very friendly dog in the town Nome not far from here, i am sure he would love to help y.."

I shake my head no, fur suddenly bristling. I don't want to see anyone, the bat is okay, she is so much smaller than me and she is holding her cub like a perfect loving mother, not a threat in any way when you look at her. To save at least some of my pride i try to sound rude when i speal again, just a little bit like my old self, like Steele and not... not me  
" No thank you, ill..ill be fine, I'm fine"  
...I'm a lost cause..  
"Sweetheart i can see your not, who did that to you"  
She nods backwards, indicating the bite marks on my hind legs.  
I shiver but don't know what to say;  
_Oh them? Its nothing, this German shepherd psycho dog left me alone with two grey nut cases who thought it was fun to chew me up  
_" No one"  
Liar! My answer hurts her, I can see it in her eyes and that hurts me, its not supposed to! Im not supposed to care!  
" No one, i.. i have to go"  
"Sweet pea, please, i want to help you"

_´You cant´_ i want to say, its not possible to help me anymore, i think i have been shattered to many times and into so many pieces that they can no longer be put together again.  
I walk out of the cave with my head down and my tail between my legs, wondering when i started having the ability to feel guilty, i am sure i didn't have it before.  
The bats quiet sigh reaches my ears and i can hear her cub ask questions about the "black and white dog" but i ignore it, i don't want to hear them talking about me, my owner talked about me and the words did nothing but hurt .  
The wind is warm and the snow feels fresh and soft under my paws. I claw at the ground curiously and feel myself smile, tail whipping back and forth lazily behind me. It feels good somehow, I'm free. The hills and trees around me looks safe, and for a moment i could swear that i have been here before.

...wait, did that bat say she knew a dog in Nome...then that had to mean that..  
I press my paw into the snow firmly and feel the snow melt under it. I stare into the forest before entering it, intent on finding out if i really know there surroundings or if it is a stupid wish that will not come true.  
My legs hurt, very much so, but i have to know. I wander, slowly due to my injuries but as fast as i can in this situation, through the forest, scaring of small critters and rabbits as i pass their hide outs, its almost satisfying to see that at least someone in this world is still scared of me.

The trees are high here, gentle giants watching the world from above with deep brown eyes, their scents of bark and spruce cones welcome me and it feels right. The surroundings starts looking familiar but i dare not get my hopes up, if you hope you end up getting crushed, my father told me that, how right he were. I growl quietly as the pain gets worse with each step taken, flaring up into a constant burning sensation i would rather have been without, it causes my body to tremble with the strain and for a moment it feels as if my legs are giving out on me.  
Come on, just a little further, i just need to see if its true, just a little further.

The snow is deeper here, causing an open wound on my front paw to hurt as hell, i almost roll my eyes just because it all seems to absurd and ridiculously pathetic. I whine, this time out loud, and then the whine turns to silent open mouthed awe when i look up and see a town not far of from the forest edge, a town i know, i can recognise that smell easily

" Nome"

Its not home, not anymore, not after every single dog in it turned their backs on me and wished me far away so that i would not stain there city with my presence, but its still as close as it gets.

Before i realize it, my body is walking towards the town, drawn to it somehow, for safety perhaps, i do not know, all i know is that i need to get there.  
It takes a long time, my hind legs are slowly giving up the battle against the pain and going numb, the rest of my being struggles to keep on going. My neck hurts, the collar cuts off my breathing enough to make me feel lightheaded, but that is a good thing, it takes some of the pain away, less pain is good i decide, even if it means that my vision is blurred and dark around the edges every time my lungs demand more air than they can have, as long as it take some of the pain it is a small price to pay.

´Just a little further´ I urge myself, using will power alone to keep going, I close my eyes to focus on each step, counting the seconds to distract myself from the soreness in my legs, then i bang my head into something and jump back like a frightened kitten.  
Bad idea when one is severely wounded and in pain, i yelp and fall backwards into the snow with my front paws clawing at the air uselessly.

Shivering, cold, shocked and utterly embarrassed on some level, i stay still and stare at the house which i just walked head first into. The telegraph office... shit...

I hear small paws clicking on wood and get up faster than i thought possible, biting back the pained groan forming within me and reposition my body. I press myself to the house wall and back away from the sound, cursing inwardly because i can not run away. A million thoughts flashes through my head, should it crouch down, should i turn and try to get away, should i just let myself be seen and be done with it, no, should i...

A small brown dog pokes its head out from the telegraph houses wooden terrace, i thank god when he does not look in my direction, but that can change very quickly, oh god I'm no more than perhaps 3 metres away from him, if he as much as looks out of the corner of his eye he would have to be blind not to see me. The dog is Morse, the old telegraphists humorously little bulldog, if he finds out i am back in Nome the entire town will know before i can even get around to blink.

Shit, I'm trembling, relax, easy, hes not looking over here, yet.  
The little bulldog blinks several times, his bulky eyes wide open and staring off into the distance.  
If he turns his head to the left, just a little bit i would be plainly visible, oh god please don't look!  
I close my eyes, a childish attempt to deny what could happen if that stupid dump bulldog Morse looks at me. I can smell his bad breath from here, hear him swallow and lick his lips.

That means he might be able to smell and hear me as well. Silently, I hold my breath and press my body even closer to the wall in an attempt to be invisible, wishing i believed in some god just so that i could pray to him now.  
Then, i hear small paws on wood again, moving away this time.  
Did he see me? No, he would have said something if he did would he not?  
My eyes open again, stressed hail blue orbs staring at the spot where the small dog was mere seconds ago and i can almost imagine him there, jaw dropped as he spots me, but he is on his way into the office now. My lungs hurt when i finally allow myself to exhale and the collar gnaws at my flesh again. I have to get away from here to someplace where i can rest and be alone, but i need food first, the pain in my stomach is trying to beat the pain everywhere else and i dare not imagine how much worse it will get before my body can no longer function on will alone. One year ago i would have laughed if anyone had told me i would ever feel like this, hunger was a small ache, more annoying than anything, i had never imagined it could feel quite like this, that it could actually hurt.

Careful not to make even the smallest sound i start following the tree wall to the end of the house and then wander into the small alley behind it. The stench is terrible but right now that is good because that can only mean one thing, garbage.

Another thing i had never thought would happen is me eating out of a garbage can, heh, karma is it?  
I stare at the silver can, feeling sick at the thought of what i am about to do, but hunger and pride have never been compatible so in the end i start leaning against the trashcan and knock it down onto the ground.

It should have made a loud crash but luckily the snow took most of the sound and muffled it enough to make it silent, it didn't matter though, i still flinched and had my ears raised when the can hit the ground and pressed itself into the soft snow. In my ears the soft thud was like the sound of thunder and i could imagine the loud noise bouncing off the alley walls to create a faint eccoe even though there was no sound at all.  
No footsteps, no loud voices, no one heard.  
After a deep sigh of relief i step towards the garbage can now lying unmoving on its side like a fallen tree. I crinkle my nose slightly at the smell of rotting food and other things i don't even want to know what is, disgusted but at the same time interested. I peak into the can, looking at the various colours and goo on the sides, some of it looks almost as if it could crawl out of there and worm its way through the snow towards the nearest house to eat some innocent unexpecting child victim.

_...ew.._

One more sniff tells me two things, one that the owner of this can just threw out a jug of sour milk and two that somewhere in there there is fish.  
I decide to go for the fish, quickly, before i throw up at the sight of human waste.

My paw shivers as if it was as disgusted as the rest of me me when i stick it in and drag out some of the rubbish. A small broken chew toy ends up in the snow along with a half a fish, some chicken, two potatoes and some overcooked beef the telegraphist apparently thought uneatable, but not for me, not for a hungry dog. I eat it swiftly, not daring to give myself time to think about it because i know that i would not be able to do it then and i need it, i wont be able to survive for long if i do not eat.

The pain inside of me subsides a little and even this small ease of pain makes me feel stronger than before.  
I lick at the snow to still my thirst before I turn around and limp my way towards an unknown destination.

After an entire hour of sneaking around in silent search of a place to rest where no one would come, i find myself in the room behind the towns doctor office, the room i found Jenna and Balto in such a long time ago, hmm, my backside hurts just at the memory. I cant help but scowl at the boiler before i move over to the "secret entrance"  
I knew it was there ages ago, went in there all the time when I was a young dog in town with no friends, but years changes pups to grown ups and I lost interest in the place, only stopped by every now and then when I felt nostalgic enough or had to hide from the humans after stealing something valueable.  
I stopped doing that to though, some idiot started dragging glass in there and i kept cutting my paws on it.

Its was hard getting through the entrance, with my wounds I could not bend right and i had grown since all those years ago, it took a long time and some effort as well but in the end it was not futile, I fought my way in.  
The damned glass was still there, i avoided it carefully and crept into a corner before laying down, exhausted and feeling rather miserable if not nauseous.  
The light over me was on, human voices could be hear from up there and that made me shiver in fear even though common sense told me that they had no idea i was present, they could not see me here under the floor. Humans are monsters, i know that now, can't believe i ever trusted those damned bastards, everything they do are meant to hurt! I remember my old owner clearly, but even though he rarely laid a hand on me he is the worst of them all, he sold me to .. to that terrible bearded man who thought whipping was fun!

I never thought the scars on my back would heal but I am glad they did, they kept reminding me of the excruciating pain that had followed each stroke of the whip, but worst of all they made me unable to forget how Mace stayed with me that entire night after our owner had hurt me, licking the wounds and keeping me warm.

I had gone into shock after being whipped, and the reason for the whipping was something as stupid as dragging mud into the house. I didn't know my paws were dirty, didn't know this human took a little dirt on his floors so seriously. He grabbed my neck and threw me onto the floor, then kicked me so hard in my ribs i though he had broken one or two of them. I bared my teeth in fear when he reached out for me again and ended up feeling searing pain across my back for it. He didn't stop even when i fell to the ground, he just kept whipping, screaming at me. I don't know what he said, i couldn't hear anything but the rush of blood in my ears and my own howls of pain, i tried to hold them back but no one could have kept silent when put through that kind of toture.

When the man left and went into the kitchen i kept still and tried not to breath because even that hurt.

Then Mace was there, those damned lying amber eyes showing nothing at all. He helped me up and got me into the stables, told the other dogs there would be no fun tonight. Ill give him that much, sparing me of the nightly rape after the shock and searing pain was almost merciful of him, if only he would have left me alone after that. I hate him for staying with me and making me fell safe with him, that's his biggest talent, he somehow always finds ways to make me believe he is... is...

I don't know, i really do not, but i think that if he hadn't done that, mixed the pain and humiliation with pleasure and that ´something´ i would have died, or gone crazy.

Perhaps i did go a little insane, because i allowed him to give me pleasure. There was times when the raping was not painful, they were rare but just the fact that they were THERE kept making me questioning everything i knew and wanted to be certain of. He told the other dogs to leave and then pushed inside of me so damn slowly, it made me moan and writhe under him. He kept doing it slowly and carefully until i pressed back against him to feel more. He licked my neck, gave me playful bites every now and then, god it felt good, nothing on earth could possibly feel as good as having him inside of me when he did it like that.  
He was an angel in those moments, even stayed with me when we were both spent and bashing in our afterglow, caressing me like an alpha would his bitch and i never objected even though i knew that the next day he would make me scream and snap at him in pain and desperation, sometimes even make me cry and shatter completely underneath him. No, i didn't care, i just pressed closer and rested my head on his front paws, allowing him to clean my fur of old blood and tangles with his tongue until i fell asleep.

He was and angel, but he had a soul black as ebony.

Even looked good the damned bastard, cream coloured except for his black back and the normal black areas on his snout and ears, his left hind paw was almost white while the others were pitch black. He was even bigger than me and had thick silky fur. Unlike those grey bastards Eoff and Geoff, even their names are ridiculous!  
" ..of course doctor, i will go see her right away..."

Human beast, monsters, devils, demons.  
I close my eyes and hope that sleep will come soon, and that there will be no nightmares, but with my luck... not a chance.  
The humans above me keeps talking while i drift away underneath the floor.

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_Done!  
Hope you liked this chapter, i think it turned out okay even though I had to write it twice  
(i tried doing it in third persons pov but that did NOT end well..)  
So, how do you like it so far? I know its not a long chapter but ..._

Remember, your reviews keeps me writing

_No flames, they make the mutant bunny cry_


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